...my journey through the valleys and over the mountains as i learn to live with the 'new' reality of losing xavier ian. this is a place i can jot down thoughts, feelings, and things i am learning through this journey of life.

if my dreams came true...

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

since the nightmare began...

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Saturday, September 25, 2010

september ~ ten questions ~ trees

  1. When you saw the theme of trees for the month of September, what immediately came to your mind?
    I have a ‘tree’ of thanksgiving hanging on the wall in my bedroom and I thought of that.

2. What kinds of words do you associate with trees?
~ beautiful ~ strong ~ rooted ~

3. Of these words, do you associate any with yourself?
I believe I am rooted and strong and beautiful! I am rooted in Christ Jesus and strong enough to have been allowed to experience this grief and a beautiful mother!

4. Have you been an outdoorsy person throughout your life?
I am not an outdoorsy person. I enjoy it on occasion and when I was younger I enjoyed it more than I do now, but I am not an outdoorsy person!

5. How has your relationship with nature changed since your loss(es)?
I am constantly looking at the clouds. I used to occasionally look at the sky and think, “how pretty,” but now I search the clouds – looking for a glimpse of Xavier looking down on me!

6. Did you plant a tree or bush in honor of your child?
No, but I would love to plant a little garden for him if we ever buy our own house! I think it would be wonderful to have a place to go and just sit in beauty while being able to think of Xavier; a place just for him.

7. If you have planted a tree for your child, in what ways do you incorporate the tree into your life? If you haven't, what natural images do you associate with your loss? (Do you tend to it? Do you meditate or reflect under it? Do you places flowers by it?)
In the weeks following Xavier’s stillbirth I remember just sitting outside and staring at the grass, the flowers, and the trees…I remember realizing their beauty and thinking about how fragile life really is and how I have absolutely no control of anything. God created all the grass, flowers, and trees and God is in control – I don’t have to worry.

8. Trees have also been used to represent families. Talk a bit about your own family tree.
I decline to answer this question.

9. What are your feelings now about family trees and exploring your own lineage?
It would be really neat to know more about my family tree, but I’m not intrigued enough to engage in a search. When my granddad died one of my aunts made a dvd slideshow of all these old pictures of my grandparents, great-grandparents, and numerous other relatives I know little or nothing about. I love watching that dvd. I love seeing the old pictures.

10. The rings of trees fascinate me. I remember learning that in hard years, the rings were smaller, or darker than in years of good water. Describe the rings of your tree.
I decline to answer this question at this time.

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