...my journey through the valleys and over the mountains as i learn to live with the 'new' reality of losing xavier ian. this is a place i can jot down thoughts, feelings, and things i am learning through this journey of life.

if my dreams came true...

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

since the nightmare began...

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Friday, October 21, 2011

standing still...

it's like i am standing still in the water up to my chest, but the water is moving all around me. so i kind of sway with the water. i am not choosing to move, but i am also not stopping the movement...that would take too much energy. i am not moving forward or backward. i am not moving to either side. i'm anchored to my spot and swaying in the water. his due date was november 6, 2009...i do not know how i have survived two years without him (more than two years without him) and i just remain still, letting the water move me because i don't have the energy to stop the outside world from moving me...but i am just going with the flow. my motto remains: how sad.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

darkness = hopelessness

it's always harder to find hope in the darkness than in the light of day...there's just something about daylight that makes hope a possibility.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

i forgot...

it's my birthday,


luckily a couple of friends from work texted me to remind me. lol

Thursday, October 6, 2011

i got the job...

yay me! i now have a second job. our one income family has a tiny second income...still provided by me. i am choosing to have a second job. my husband is choosing to stay home with the kids. i am choosing to miss out on my family. really? money sucks!

thank God for counseling...too bad it's only once a week!