...my journey through the valleys and over the mountains as i learn to live with the 'new' reality of losing xavier ian. this is a place i can jot down thoughts, feelings, and things i am learning through this journey of life.

if my dreams came true...

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

since the nightmare began...

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Sunday, September 11, 2011

sometimes i don't have words to express how i truly feel. sometimes all i can do is cry. last night i cried as i journaled, then i cried myself to sleep while holding xavier's teddy bear.
sometimes i can't.
sometimes i don't.
sometimes i won't.
i am stubborn and wear my feelings on my sleeve.
i am fragile.
i am trying to be okay with working while my husband stays home with the kids. i am trying to allow myself to believe that in this day & age that it is okay for a woman to bring home the bacon while the man is the homemaker. i am trying to not feel guilty for being okay with all of this. i actually enjoy my job more than i enjoy being at home doing stuff around the house. if i just made a bit more money this would totally work long term.
work was unexpectedly wonderful tonight. i was dreading going in before work, then i got there and was pleasantly surprised. the last couple of weeks have brought many changes to the unit and the residents have not been adjusting well; perhaps i have not been adjusting well either. anyway, tonight was one of those nights that i'm reminded why i do what i do. i truly love my job.

1 comment:

  1. I like my job and we've had changes that not a lot of people are happy w/ including myself. But I can't really picture myself at home full time.