...my journey through the valleys and over the mountains as i learn to live with the 'new' reality of losing xavier ian. this is a place i can jot down thoughts, feelings, and things i am learning through this journey of life.

if my dreams came true...

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

since the nightmare began...

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Sunday, June 10, 2012


nobody congratulates you when your baby is stillborn [and for good reason, i guess] but, that just makes it all the more tragic.  not only has your baby died, but people act as though you have not just given birth to a beautiful baby; as though you are not a  new mother.  when you think about it, it's even more difficult to be a mother to a dead baby because there is less of a support system immediately available to you.  most of us have to search out a new support system and may even lose someone from our previous support system.  all that said, there was one woman who had a stillborn daughter years before me that congratulated me on the birth of xavier a few months after his stillbirth.  i shared pictures and she looked at them and commented how beautiful he was.  she recognized that i was a new mother; i had given birth; my baby was beautiful and she congratulated me.

i cried tears of joy, possibly the first tears of joy since i lost xavier that day.
thank you lari.


  1. What a precious gift Lari gave you! I think people are afraid to talk about it, not wanting to make us feel worse, but they also don't understand that mentioning our babies is a huge blessing. To have that tiny, barely-there life be acknowledged? Amazing.