...my journey through the valleys and over the mountains as i learn to live with the 'new' reality of losing xavier ian. this is a place i can jot down thoughts, feelings, and things i am learning through this journey of life.

if my dreams came true...

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

since the nightmare began...

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

i missed a meeting...

missing a meeting may not seem like a very big deal to you, but it is a big deal for me. i don't just miss meetings because i forget. i plan my life a year in advance. i put in for my time off in january for the remainder of the year (with the exception of sickness and surprise events) and i have not missed a meeting because "i forgot" in a very long time!

here is what i told my boss: monday when i checked the schedule i saw that i was not working my home unit, so i was focused on remembering to come into work at a different time due to being on a different unit.

here is the reality: i didn't even think to look at my calendar and see if there were any meetings this week. andi turned three on monday. andy turns 30 on friday. i'm beginning to come out of my 'depression' that i had been blogging about (i'm not sure i'm really coming out of it, but i am definitely feeling a bit better...better than i've felt in two months at least!) and i still have great difficulty remembering things. i'm really hoping that this memory loss is due to grief and not some sort of dementia. anyway, my marriage has been going through the rapids and my kids have not been on the best of behavior. lots of doctor stuff and school stuff (michael starts kindergarten in the fall). so, i have a lot on my mind and the one thing not on my mind was the meeting for work today that we have every month on the second wednesday!

i'm very frustrated with myself for forgetting this meeting! i'm very frustrated with my work as when i got here today i found out that i was on my home unit, then i found out that i missed the meeting. i just wasn't prepared for work today.


  1. Oh Michelle! I have become so forgetful and disorganized since Claire left us... and that is not who I am (my friends used to call me Monica from Friends!).

    I feel horribly every time I slip up and then a small part of me doesn't really care because my baby is gone and I have so many other more important things on my mind.

    Be gentle on yourself.


  2. Michelle- especially the first few months my memory was scary bad, I even discussed it with my doctor, but I think stress can make it worse too. Sounds like you usually don't make these mistakes. We're only human to make a mistake like that. Big hugs:)

  3. Hang in there. Life gets tough sometimes. I've had a couple of pretty crappy days and my husband has been working 13-14 hour shifts so I've felt very alone. My mom gave me some good advice...don't beat yourself up. Life is just a hard thing sometimes. Thinking about you and hugs :) I'm so glad you've been feeling a little better!

  4. We are our own worst critics, especially in situations like that. I don't have any good excuse but I do get forgetful at times- ask Cat or Zach, they'll admit I do forget things. It's like your friends all have said, it can be related to stress or other things. Take care of yourself sister, and remember to find joy in the things God created for us! Sometimes we just gotta let go of the little things that bothers us the most.