...my journey through the valleys and over the mountains as i learn to live with the 'new' reality of losing xavier ian. this is a place i can jot down thoughts, feelings, and things i am learning through this journey of life.

if my dreams came true...

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

since the nightmare began...

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Monday, May 3, 2010

eleven months ago - today...

eleven months ago today my life changed forever. i went to the doctor and there was no heartbeat. i made phone calls sitting in my car before leaving the doctor. i cried all day off and on. i didn't eat. i had an ultrasound in the afternoon to confirm that there was no heartbeat. i was admitted to the hospital. xavier ian was born just after 1am eleven months ago tomorrow.

i feel as though i've lost the last eleven months of my life. i have good days and i have sad days and i have blah days. on good days things are great and on sad days things couldn't possible be worse and on blah days i just breathe waiting to see if it will turn into a good or sad day.

today is a blah day.

by the way...yesterday was international babylost mother's day. maybe i'll post more about how i celebrated later. happy belated babylost mother's day to all you babylost mommies! *HUGS*


  1. Thinking of Xavier <3 xoxo

  2. I'm sorry today is a blah day. I'm thinking of you and Xavier. *HUGS*