...my journey through the valleys and over the mountains as i learn to live with the 'new' reality of losing xavier ian. this is a place i can jot down thoughts, feelings, and things i am learning through this journey of life.

if my dreams came true...

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

since the nightmare began...

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Sunday, April 17, 2011

...nothing to say...

i've not had much to say lately. i've been faithfully reading blogs, not so much commenting on them, but i've neglected updating my blog much. i guess i just feel that whatever i have to say has already been said or felt or existed for so long that there is no point telling you.

i am definitely in a different place now than i was two years ago or two weeks ago for that matter. i am learning how to cope better everyday and very frustrated that i still have those 'can't get myself out of bed for the life of me' days every now and again. but, i am surviving and taking care of my family as best i can and remembering xavier in my own way everyday.

i'm wondering if i should make this blog more about my family, my living children, and my everyday struggles. i wanted it to be a special place to keep my thoughts about xavier, but as i see that those thoughts really never change i don't want to sound like a record on repeat...so, maybe it's time for a little bit of a change-up. part of keeping xavier's memory alive is involving him in the lives of my children, right?

well, you can let me know what you think if you want. i have lots of thoughts that i haven't shared because they don't directly relate to xavier or loss or whatever, but maybe this blog could be more than a blog about loss...maybe this blog could be a beginning of something great!

God's not finished with me yet and i think that's where i'll leave it at for now...

1 comment:

  1. I love the idea of including more about your alive children and other things that you are thinking- a journal does not have to be only about Xavier and feeling the loss of such a sweet angel taken too soon... We may not see how it all blends together but somehow Xavier is wrapped into your kids' lives and your own life and Andy's too (it even affects mine from time to time because I do think about him sometimes- what he would have been like).