...my journey through the valleys and over the mountains as i learn to live with the 'new' reality of losing xavier ian. this is a place i can jot down thoughts, feelings, and things i am learning through this journey of life.

if my dreams came true...

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

since the nightmare began...

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Sunday, July 17, 2011

not a fan of death...

i'm not a fan of death...duh! i suppose it would be strange to post that i am a fan of death, but today in particular i'm not a fan of death.

my sister texted me this afternoon to tell me that our high school youth group leader died of cancer early this morning. so, i checked my e-mail and sure enough there it was in black and white.

she fought a long hard battle with cancer and had many victories over the years. i'm not sure i would say that the cancer won even now. i don't want to think of her as a defeated person. i would rather think that she finally let go and let God take her up to heaven to praise Him in perfection. let go and let God is something i definitely saw time and again in her life. she allowed God to work through her and transformed the lives of many youth because of it.

i had lost touch with her over the years, only sending a christmas card or two to her since high school. i am deeply saddened and grieving all over again for the loss of such a wonderful lady. i'm also a bit angry...God allowed her to die! God allowed my baby to die! she could be meeting my son right now! she could be holding him! she could be telling him stories about me that i don't want my children to know! lol i also know that she has been reunited with her son. i'm sure the angels are rejoicing to welcome such a Godly example of a woman into heaven today.

i've missed her over the years. she played a huge part in who i am today and i'm going to miss her til i get to heaven.

today i'm REALLY not a fan of death.

1 comment:

  1. I have always been affected by death of my loved ones but none as much as since the death of my own daughter. Death hits home harder. Sending lots of hugs your way. I like this post. I agree and thank you for your honesty. As always you truly know how to put emotions in to writing.