...my journey through the valleys and over the mountains as i learn to live with the 'new' reality of losing xavier ian. this is a place i can jot down thoughts, feelings, and things i am learning through this journey of life.

if my dreams came true...

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

since the nightmare began...

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Monday, January 23, 2012


i've always been a fairly honest person, but you can only be as honest with others as you are with yourself.  i'm more honest with my counselor than anyone else and i think that is because i answer questions he asks not realizing that i'm going to say something out loud that i don't want to believe.  sometimes i'll answer a question, then gasp, and i think that's horrible.  apparently i'm not horrible.  apparently my thoughts are normal and natural reactions to the situations in my life.  so, i've been thinking a lot about honesty lately and how honest i really am with myself.  i need to be completely honest with myself so that i can be completely honest in my relationships.  this year i want to be honest and true to myself.  i want to be better than i am.  so far i'm not really doing anything differently than i ever have, but it's only january.  maybe with spring and warmer weather in a few months i'll get motivated.  i really hope so.

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