honesty...

i've always been a fairly honest person, but you can only be as honest with others as you are with yourself.  i'm more honest with my counselor than anyone else and i think that is because i answer questions he asks not realizing that i'm going to say something out loud that i don't want to believe.  sometimes i'll answer a question, then gasp, and i think that's horrible.  apparently i'm not horrible.  apparently my thoughts are normal and natural reactions to the situations in my life.  so, i've been thinking a lot about honesty lately and how honest i really am with myself.  i need to be completely honest with myself so that i can be completely honest in my relationships.  this year i want to be honest and true to myself.  i want to be better than i am.  so far i'm not really doing anything differently than i ever have, but it's only january.  maybe with spring and warmer weather in a few months i'll get motivated.  i really hope so.