three years ago...

three years ago he was alive. 
three years ago my marriage was falling apart.
three years ago i thought the worst thing in the world would be a divorce.
i was wrong.  i wish i hadn't found out i was wrong.
the worst thing in the world is a dead baby.
my innocent baby who never had a chance to live outside my womb.
three years ago my view of the world shattered.
three years ago i re-examined my God.
three years ago i never thought i would be able to say, "three years ago."

i can't believe how far off three years ago seems

and at the same time

i feel it like it was yesterday.

three years ago on good friday i heard xavier's heartbeat for the last time.

xavier ian swords

6.4.09