...my journey through the valleys and over the mountains as i learn to live with the 'new' reality of losing xavier ian. this is a place i can jot down thoughts, feelings, and things i am learning through this journey of life.

if my dreams came true...

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

since the nightmare began...

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Saturday, April 7, 2012

three years ago...

three years ago he was alive. 
three years ago my marriage was falling apart.
three years ago i thought the worst thing in the world would be a divorce.
i was wrong.  i wish i hadn't found out i was wrong.
the worst thing in the world is a dead baby.
my innocent baby who never had a chance to live outside my womb.
three years ago my view of the world shattered.
three years ago i re-examined my God.
three years ago i never thought i would be able to say, "three years ago."

i can't believe how far off three years ago seems
and at the same time
i feel it like it was yesterday.

three years ago on good friday i heard xavier's heartbeat for the last time.
xavier ian swords

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