...my journey through the valleys and over the mountains as i learn to live with the 'new' reality of losing xavier ian. this is a place i can jot down thoughts, feelings, and things i am learning through this journey of life.

if my dreams came true...

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

since the nightmare began...

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Friday, December 4, 2009


xavier ian was stillborn six months ago. sometimes it seems that i'm the only one who hasn't forgotten. yesterday i received a message on facebook from someone i hadn't spoken to in years. she said, "so sorry to learn you lost a son. that has to be tough." it made my day that she acknowledged xavier because it seems so many have forgotten him.

up until a month ago my son and daughter would talk about 'the baby', but i fear they too have forgotten.

i haven't forgotten; i never will.

i struggle to keep xavier's memory alive because he never lived outside the womb. i am the only one who knew him, but even i only feel that i knew of him sometimes. i never felt him move (he was too young). there is a bond between a mother and her child from the moment the child is conceived and that bond cannot be broken! i love xavier ian, just as i love michael and andi. i miss him.

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