...my journey through the valleys and over the mountains as i learn to live with the 'new' reality of losing xavier ian. this is a place i can jot down thoughts, feelings, and things i am learning through this journey of life.

if my dreams came true...

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

since the nightmare began...

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Friday, December 4, 2009

'my world' is devastation

From your album: "expressive art"
'my world' is devastation drawn 10.12.2009

i drew this the same time i did my second 'my world'...but, i was incredibly sad again and i felt journaling was inadequate, so i drew 'my world' is devastation.

~ these are only moments in time, but it is intense when this is 'my world'

i am swimming in a sea of devastation
my universe of hope has been turned upside down
there is only one island...the island of hope
all my supports have been moved into the universe of hope, out of my reach for now or flooded by the sea of devastation
i am small, nearly invisible

my world is sometimes flooded with devastation due to losing xavier ian. i cannot see the hope in the universe due to it blending into the devastation i am feeling. my world may look like this for a moment, a day, or a week before i see God's glory and allow people into my world and begin healing once again. when my world is flooded with devastation i can barely stay afloat in the mucky waters. the island of hope is virtually unreachable. i am devastated. i am completely isolated and alone. God is waiting patiently.

thoughts of xavier ian cloud my island of hope in my sea of devastation. God is waiting patiently.

everything reminds me of my lost son. i cry and cry. nothing helps. God is waiting patiently. i am drowning.

~bright spot; my only hope

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