...my journey through the valleys and over the mountains as i learn to live with the 'new' reality of losing xavier ian. this is a place i can jot down thoughts, feelings, and things i am learning through this journey of life.

if my dreams came true...

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

since the nightmare began...

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Sunday, December 20, 2009

some people just don't get it!

i told a friend that i was journaling and writing poetry.
the friend said, 'great...that means you're thinking about stuff you shouldn't be thinking about."

what exactly am i not suppose to be thinking about? how can some people be so insensitive; have such a lack of empathy?! the thing that hurts the most is this is someone i am/was (i'm just not sure at this point) really close to and they feel this way.

writing is a way to get the jumbled thoughts out of my head! writing helps to clear my mind! writing helps me to feel better! i still think about xavier ian everyday. it's not debilitating; i'm not depressed; i just think about him a lot. i don't think there is anything wrong with this, in fact i think it's pretty normal. i've talked with others that have lost a baby and even ten, twenty, thirty years down the road they think about their lost child on a daily basis. at some point you are no longer grieving...the loss just becomes a part of who you are. i don't know if i'm to that point yet, but i'm definitely getting there...without the help of this so called friend i regret to say.

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