Tuesday, March 30, 2010
i have posted pictures of xavier all over facebook. i have an album with his photos on my page, but i have also posted his pictures on pages i have joined. every now and then somebody will post a comment on his picture on one of those pages i have put his picture on. sometimes the picture is one i have not looked at in a while. sometimes it is a picture that i see more often. i don't look at his pictures everyday anymore, but i carry them with me still.
today i miss xavier. today i am looking at his pictures. today changes nothing...i'm still me living in this life i never imagined. before andy and i got married we had all sorts of discussions...however none of them went anything like this, the way our lives have turned out. we love each other, but i'm not sure if love is enough. love will never bring back xavier or take back hurtful things andy said to me last year after finding out we were pregnant. love doesn't give us more money or teach us how to manage our money better. love isn't enough, it just isn't.
i still haven't told xavier's story on this blog, but i'm not quite ready...soon, but not today. today i leave you with a picture of xavier...one of my favorite pictures of xavier.