...my journey through the valleys and over the mountains as i learn to live with the 'new' reality of losing xavier ian. this is a place i can jot down thoughts, feelings, and things i am learning through this journey of life.

if my dreams came true...

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

since the nightmare began...

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Thursday, July 1, 2010

return to the real world...

june 29, 2010
so last week we were on vacation. it was wonderful to be able to just relax [and we did] and have time alone with my husband. we enjoyed spending time together and didn't argue at all! i'm not sure i can tell you the last time we spend so much time together without arguing...

unfortunately vacations don't last forever and we have now returned to the real world. i was irritable on the way home and as soon as we walked into the house i was immediately overwhelmed. i felt all the stress and tension that we had left behind when we left on vacation.

june 30, 2010
today the man i married; the man i rediscovered on vacation is gone again. i am lonely.
today, two days after our vacation - everything is back to normal, our 'new normal' and i HATE it!

july 1, 2010
last night or this morning...i'm not sure what time it was...andy & i had a talk. things are better. i know that he needs time to cool off when he is upset and i know that i get overly emotional about EVERYTHING!

i think life is bipolar! or my relationship with andy is bipolar...we seem to have extreme highs and extreme lows. losing xavier has made the last year complicated to say the least! i just want my own space! i want to have a normal life; whatever normal is! i want to be a different person, but that can't happen. this is the life God has given me and i must choose to live it giving glory to God along the way, in spite of everything that happens. and while i wish my life were simpler i know that i wouldn't really be happy with that either, because whatever hand we are dealt we want something else. today i'm just struggling with contentment and trying to stay positive!

if i don't blog again before; happy 4th of july weekend!

1 comment:

  1. You're not the only one. I get overly-emotional too at times and I get irritated too. I'm glad you two had time alone together and didn't argue for a while there. I hope that you two can find the balance in this new "normal". It's gotta be tough to be walking in your shoes right now but I know you will make it (for God does not ever give us too much that we can't handle without his help).